so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
