Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
