Someone shit on the floor
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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