He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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