Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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