I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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