Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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