Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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