But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
