I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
