Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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