Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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