it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
