bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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