Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
