I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
