i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize