Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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