hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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