If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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