if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
