ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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