So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
