You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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