I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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