Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
