C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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