I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize