we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
