I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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