do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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