So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
