The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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