Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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