Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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