I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
