filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize