I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we're making bets on your personal life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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