The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The air was thick with penises
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
