Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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