I cannot find my penis.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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