is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This is classic penis vs brain.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
