sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
