Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
