I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
