It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
a search helicopter?!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
