if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
