I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she peed on how many people?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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