she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
