Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
