he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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