theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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