Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
