I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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