Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
