God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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