its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
