Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
