I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
