I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
