Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And then my night got REAL pukey
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
