i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
