VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
