Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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