I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
