I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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