i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i think i just lost a toe
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
