I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
