I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
