Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
