How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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