you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
