my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
