3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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