I've blown a few things in my day
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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