ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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