No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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