Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
