I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
