I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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