Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
