I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
