even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
