i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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