When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
