dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
