He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
