The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
