Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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