why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
