I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
