I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
