It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
