I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
