Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
