I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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