the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
