Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
