Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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