I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
