He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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