This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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