told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
