I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
