she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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