i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize