if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
