There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
