Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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