Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
