I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
