did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
