I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
