Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
