Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
