I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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