why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
