did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
