She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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